The black death

Slowly it builds, suppressed, nurtured, carefully fed over the years. There is no joy.

Void.

The comfort, the darkness. All consuming and stifling. There are no feelings at all. No sadness, no happiness, no rage, no ecstacy. The world is still with void.

The stillness. The emptiness. Bliss.

Cerberus is dozing in the corner and I his master.

I AM FREEEEEE............................
  • you worry me. is this a story or are you expressing depression?
  • Dude, you have pushed those who love you away, and now this. Dude, have you gone (Insane) on me? This sounds more and more like someone who is giving up on life, and possibly suicidal. Damo, you are worth way too much to be going down that road sir. I know I am one of the last people you want talking to you right now, but at least listen to me enough to sanp the heck out of it dude.

    [Updated on 2/20/2010 8:20 PM]
  • the suicidal phase was entered 6 weeks ago. This is much much deeper
  • ...

    [Updated on 4/25/2010 6:46 PM]
  • damo wat was it u say to me. just think of that little saying hun i miss u 2 we all do especially ur sister we all love u each n every1 of us xx
  • Damo once you wrote to seji that the wilderness has the answers. That is so true for many of us who get so badly hurt in the world of people. This was even true for some of the heroes of the Bible such as Moses and David who had to hide out in the wilderness from people for awhile. And even Elijah was fed by ravens who brought him food in the wilderness. But you don't have to disappear in the wilderness for years, just a few hours listening to the healing songs of birds and watching the leaves dance in the wind can do wonders to heal despair. Remember the tswo poems I sent to a few of you privately about how I was so wounded I thought I would die, but a new moon and a wolf's cry sang my spirit back into the sky. And about how my special crow friend called me to walk out to him in the snow flying low and said forget humans and their cruelty and touch this tree and feel sacred stability. Damo, I say again to you with love and total acceptance of where you are at now, stay safe, stay calm, stay master of cerberus and master of Damo, stay free. If you need seji and Gracie you know how to get in contact with us.
  • good advice, seji. worth copying and posting on the wall as a reminder when i'm not able to remember what to do. Thanks!
    Louisa
  • Cerberus is out. Let him scream shout and then put him away. What ever made Cerberus come back.? Bro I really miss you but will give you your space. And when you feel you're ready. Let me help you put Cerberus back where he belongs and get my bro back.
    I'm really missing you and listen to your wise sis and come back.
    Luna
  • , DAMO , EXCELLENt EXPRESSION , I been there , felt it and sure i will again , as long as you just feel it and write a bout it untill it lifts , some of my best poetry and writtings that really reach people came in these ;;black death;; times. I GOT AUST TO THIS BLACK DEEP HOLE AND ALWAYS KNEW AND KNOW , WHEN IT HITS --PEOPLE CARE ABOUT ME , AND IT WILL PASS.
    THINK OF ME RIDING IT WITH YOU--BECAUSE I AM . i care about you , it will lift and i know you know that , it always has helped me to write about it in a journal or notebook keep it for years , and read what i wrote at different times to see and remember it can lift and pass , and get back in touch with how i felt at the time of the black death and that made the next time giving me a kind of feeling of here we go again , and keep seeing the light , also putting pain on paper really gets it OUT and develops the full thoughts and feelings of feeling like you understand it somewhat better--i realize you probly already know this , but thought you may need to hear it now .------- HUGGY-----
  • I have no fear of self or of recompense. I have both barrels on evicting my neighbours. Today I was cut off on the highway. I caught up, overtook and slammed the brakes on hard. I am not afraid of death. I have nothing to live for.
    I did the DASS yesterday and a few weeks ago. I scored in the clinical level. I have no time for it.
    Death, I welcome its embrace!

    The damo you knew is no more. I am truly free and cerberus my servant. He is a loyal puppy. I like him.
  • Damo, Ive been down that road and it goes nowhere. just dont make any permanent solutions for temporary problems. all things pass in time. seji is right. Maybe take a trip to the wilderness but please take someone with you. maybe you need a dog.
  • This temporary problem as you term it has lasted 36 years. As for taking someone with me, there is noone. never has been. never will be. Noone will know.
  • Damo,

    I would strongly suggest you call 'Lifeline' or whatever suicide/depression helpline there is in your area.

    There are people willing to listen and help you through this and they can suggest others who can help you too. I've used the same type of service in the UK and found that they were very kind and understanding. It was exactly what I needed.
  • well im here and i ent running and i do understand alot more than you think i do ,you have opened up before to me you know that and thats what im here for so just know im here and wanna help you ,i know its been years i know you have tried to keep it in and its out now i know it can be conrolled all ya gotta do is let me in im here for you damo just understand that ok