incredibly stressed- I need to vent before I explode

 I'm a mom of 3 children, military family, I'm working and attending school full time. So lets just say I already have an incredibly stressful life. My almost 3 year old has just gotten his diagnosis for ASD a month ago. The amount of work that is going into this process of finding service providers and the paperwork to sift through is incredible daunting. My mind has been on overload this past month and I literally just want to crawl into a corner and cry. On top of trying to stay on everyday life responsibilities I have an adorable yet incredibly challenging child. Im dealing with at least 10 meltdowns a day, constant hitting, spitting and screaming. I feel like I'm shutting down. I have never felt depressed before or anxious but this stress is really getting to me. 

Today has been the most difficult to date: First my husband is gone for the entire day for work and I wont see him until tomorrow morning. This is the first time since I had my 3rd that I have been alone with all 3 kids by myself. So this in it self has been stressful to me. Second my ASD child started preschool today for 2.5 hours a day. We get there 5 minutes early and because he was required to wait 5 minutes we had a meltdown in front of all the parents and his classmates. I was so embarrassed and frustrated because I'm trying to juggling a 10 month old on my hip while my 2 year old is having a meltdown on the floor while everyone just stared. He got to stay there for 2.5 hours with no real big incidence and then it was time for pick up. We had a fairly big meltdown with me trying to get him to leave. I really tried to prepare for it as well ( toys, cookies, his stuffy), just trying to bribe him into the car but he wouldn't budge. We drove home the whole way with him screaming. We have lunch, he goes down for a nap and when he wakes up hes in an awesome mood. Hes being nice to his older brother, hes sharing, super gentle with his baby sister. I leave him in the living room to go stir dinner and he throws a toy in frustration at our TV. It of course breaks and I had the pleasure of calling my husband and informing him what happened. He of course was really pissed and yelled at me because I was the one watching him. This made me feel like crap and pretty mad because there was literally nothing I could have done to prevent this;I am not a mind reader and my son goes from 1-100 with his emotions in a blink of an eye.(He did call back eventually and apologized)

But today I'm just...done..done done...I'm emotionally and mentally drained and I have nothing left to give.  I can confidently say I'm definitely in the grieving process and I think iv hit the anger stage. I mad and pissed off that this is happening and mad that my husband is handling this easier then me. Im mad that my kid wont listen to me but will listen to my husband. Mad that my husband doesn't understand that its twice as hard for me when I'm watching my son alone. I'm mad at myself for even having those thought and not being mentally stronger for my child. I just really don't know what to do and I feel like im drowning

  • I wrote a reply, but I'm not sure if it made it to you, because I don't see it. If I did, I apologize for the repeat. You are not alone. Parenting is hard. Parenting a child with autism is really hard. It is emotionally and physically exhausting. Then there is the guilt which is also exhausting. Hang in there. You are doing better than you realize. Be kind to yourself. You are a human, not a robot. Your emotions are valid and justified. Sleep when you can. Leave the dishes in the sink, laundry on the couch and rest! I have been known to take a nap at 7 pm when my husband gets home from work and I need a break. Another coping mechanism I use is to load everyone in the car. I know they are safe buckled in their seat belts. Give them a snack and go for a drive. Turn on the radio and ignore the screaming if you need to. Reach out to people who get it. We get it here. You can always reach out here. I read somewhere to remember that this is something that is happening to him, not something he is doing to you. That has helped me be less angry, but there are certainly still times I lose it. Take a deep breath. You can do this.
  • I wrote a reply, but I'm not sure if it made it to you, because I don't see it. If I did, I apologize for the repeat. You are not alone. Parenting is hard. Parenting a child with autism is really hard. It is emotionally and physically exhausting. Then there is the guilt which is also exhausting. Hang in there. You are doing better than you realize. Be kind to yourself. You are a human, not a robot. Your emotions are valid and justified. Sleep when you can. Leave the dishes in the sink, laundry on the couch and rest! I have been known to take a nap at 7 pm when my husband gets home from work and I need a break. Another coping mechanism I use is to load everyone in the car. I know they are safe buckled in their seat belts. Give them a snack and go for a drive. Turn on the radio and ignore the screaming if you need to. Reach out to people who get it. We get it here. You can always reach out here. I read somewhere to remember that this is something that is happening to him, not something he is doing to you. That has helped me be less angry, but there are certainly still times I lose it. Take a deep breath. You can do this.
  • I wrote a reply, but I'm not sure if it made it to you, because I don't see it. If I did, I apologize for the repeat. You are not alone. Parenting is hard. Parenting a child with autism is really hard. It is emotionally and physically exhausting. Then there is the guilt which is also exhausting. Hang in there. You are doing better than you realize. Be kind to yourself. You are a human, not a robot. Your emotions are valid and justified. Sleep when you can. Leave the dishes in the sink, laundry on the couch and rest! I have been known to take a nap at 7 pm when my husband gets home from work and I need a break. Another coping mechanism I use is to load everyone in the car. I know they are safe buckled in their seat belts. Give them a snack and go for a drive. Turn on the radio and ignore the screaming if you need to. Reach out to people who get it. We get it here. You can always reach out here. I read somewhere to remember that this is something that is happening to him, not something he is doing to you. That has helped me be less angry, but there are certainly still times I lose it. Take a deep breath. You can do this.
  • Dear Tiredmama, I'm sorry to hear your day was so tough. I don't have a lot to say. But, I just wanted to let you know that the tough days do get milder and they get fewer.

    And, look at you. You got your 2 year old with autism in to preschool today- that's a huge accomplishment. It wasn't easy but you did it!!! Hang in there it may take time but things will definitely improve.

    Best wishes.
  • Dear Tiredmama, I'm sorry to hear your day was so tough. I don't have a lot to say. But, I just wanted to let you know that the tough days do get milder and they get fewer.

    And, look at you. You got your 2 year old with autism in to preschool today- that's a huge accomplishment. It wasn't easy but you did it!!! Hang in there it may take time but things will definitely improve.

    Best wishes.
  • Are you part of an autism support network? The worst thing is to feel alone and isolated and like you have no support for yourself. A support network will be able to empower you with other parents that are dealing with the same thing on a daily basis.

    Is there an autism Society in your area? They will be able to point you in the right direction in regards to resources and services for your child.

    Also check out autism speaks, “the first 100 days”. It’s a valuable resource.

    I’m a pediatric occupational therapist. If you have any questions please feel free to ask.

    Wishing you the best and praying that things get better for you and your family.
  • In reply to Aandesmom:

    Thank you so much Aandesmom! I love your last saying " Its happening to him, not something hes doing to you" Ill really try to keep that in mind. I think im just taking it so much harder because the mom guilt is pretty big atm. He takes up so much of my time that I feel like My other children are being ignored. As for not cleaning, I wish! lol I personally get extra stressed when the house is a mess and incidently I also find my son actually gets pretty agitated and cant calm down if we have a messy house. We try to go out as much as possible so I dont have to clean as much lol. Thanks so much for your support!
  • In reply to Beryllium Fall:

    Yes that is very true! He Loves it there! They are pretty amazing and understanding with him.