HELP

I have a 13 y old girl , that is mentally 10 and EMOTIONALLY 4 when she gets in trouble or THINKS shes in trouble ............... shes 5'4 and 120lbs and as strong as me !! so when the panic button gets pushed ( which can be from somebody as small as me telling her to clean the kitchen ) .......... we get 4 year old FITS in a 13 y old body .......... this has been happening for about the last 18 mo since her started her period and have progressed .......... last thru she took off out of the house ( after destroying her room and trying to jump out of the window ) and I had to find her ........... It was just to much so i tried to take her to COMMUNITY MENTAL HEALTH emergency clinic cause I'M SPENT and need a break OR HELP .......... I even had to call for police escort cause she was threatening to jump out of the car the whole way there .......... to ONLY get told " sorry the 4 beds we have * for the WHOLE DAMN COUNTY >:( * are full " so i asked them ......... what do i do now .......... and was told ....... go home !!! ............. GO HOME ??? GO HOME ??? REALLY ?? THIS IS the help and advice I get ........... smdh Im DONE !!! I'VE CHECKED OUT!!! I NEED A BREAK !!! and u telling me go home and take her back w/ me  .......... That is not safe for her or I ........ nor mentally a sound choice !!! ( lol every parent can relate to this ) ........... today I had a apt w/ a doc about putting her on meds but ......... I dont want to but this panic fight or flight ish has gotten to be more then i can handle ALONE !!! .............. I feel like a bad mom and like Im not doing my baby justice ....... but i dont know what to do and I need help and where i turn for help ........... there is none :'(  if anybody has tips or advice on how to stop or curve these mealtdow/fits ........... please talk to me 

sincerely,
mother on edge  

 

I love my kissy <3

  • Have you looked into medical cannabis? It is helped are severely autistic daughter immensely in the exact areas that you are describing.
  • When my son entered pre school all the teachers wanted to put him on adhd medication. I laughed at them and said he's here 4 three hrs. Ive got to deal with him the rest of the day so you can suck it up for your 3. Medicating children to make them easier for adults Is wrong. Doing it to help them is right. Let go of the guilt.
  • When my son entered pre school all the teachers wanted to put him on adhd medication. I laughed at them and said he's here 4 three hrs. Ive got to deal with him the rest of the day so you can suck it up for your 3. Medicating children to make them easier for adults Is wrong. Doing it to help them is right. Let go of the guilt.
  • There are agencies that can provide respite. That's someone helping for ac night or two so you can remember you aren't just a mom. If you're her only caretaker burning yourself out doesn't help either of you. Maybe take a cooking class at night or something else. Also,, she's learning to become a woman by watching you. If she sees you enjoy yourself, she may become less anxious. Please know that I have been inyour shoes and am not judging. The day I realized my son was stressed out because I was...well,i didn't feel like mommy of the year. But devoting every inch of yourself to her isn't healthy 4 either of you. Good luck
  • In reply to erestor:

    No. You want your son to excel. Period. Do not think that the medications are for his teachers. His medications are for HIM to perform better. My son, now 30, had a similar episode in third grade. The school district wanted us to sign off on his I.E.P. - Individualized Education Program. More than twenty six hours of discussions later, we got my son what he needed, not what the district wanted. Pre-school is loaded with distractions , which for a distracted child, is completely overwhelming. Children in that state do not fare well in school. You need to intervene by consulting with your son's doctor to get him tested. We though our son was ADD - we didn't find out for 12 years later that he was an Asperger's child (now called Autism Spectrum Disorder, ASD). Once we had the proper diagnosis, the treatment proceeded much less painfully. He earned an associate's degree, and he has a decent job @ $17 an hour today. When you say "Ive got to deal with him for the rest of the day...", your angst shows. And you probably feel overwhelmed every day. There is no greater joy as a parent than to see your son growing up happier, making friends, and having a more rewarding life for himself. No, you owe it to yourself and your son to make the best of his world for him. The medications solve major problems for everyone. They DO work - once you come up with a good plan. We tried a couple of meds that were less effective. Today, he continues to take his medications and is living independently. And if you interacted with him, you never would have guessed he was ASD. This morning - Sunday - his boss called him in for some additional hours, which @ $17/hr, is nothing to sneeze at. There is some guilt on your part, because your son wasn't 'perfect.' But believe me, he IS.
  • Try to put her in a group home. They are provided by the state if you can prove need! I am in one and I can tell you they are not the hell holes you think they are!
  • I went through the EXACT same thing when my son was 13! He did EVERYTHING you described all the way down to almost jumping out the window, cops, paramedics, hospitals. I know now that he was under extreme STRESS from puberty. Since then all that has vanished. What he needs is space, no chores, easy environment and alot of love and reassurance that their body is changing and they will adjust to it. When the psychiatrist at the hospital told me that I was thinking DO YOU REALLY THINK PUBERTY CAN DO THIS TO SOMEONE!!!! But only one year later he was back to his old self. Now I have a whole new slew of problems on my hands! Girls, and dating, and oh my God you realize your baby has grown up. And also too, his mentality changed. He is still immature for his age, but not nearly as bad. I'd guess 1 year off...
  • Oh and one thing I forgot to mention, he's only 13 as well, he'll be 14 in December. He started puberty at the age of 12
  • Well in the UK some desperate parents will back a small hold-all and take their child to children services and tell them I need a break they're your responsibility and walk away! And this leads to full support via outreach, respite, residential schooling etc you're still have parental responsibility and at a later date if you can cope having your daughter home full or part time that happens