12 y/o boy w autism

Hello to all! My 12 y/o son has violent outbursts, but most of the time only with me. Recently we had a meeting with his school and discussed his IEP. For the most part it said he is very anxious in some of his classes and when he does begin to get really frustrated, according to his teachers he is fairly easy to calm back down.
We had a meeting with his psychiatrist the next day and I brought the IEP for him to review to see if my son needed any med changes or something new, he has been on abilify for a few years now. He contacted the school and now we are waiting for the teacher to call back.
In the discussion, I was informing the Dr. about the different therapies and how they weren't helping. He suggested that my son not attend any therapy. He was also explaining about the executive functions in the brain. He was saying that my son's brain is about the same as an 8 yr old even though he is 12. I get all that. However, even an 8 year old can go to therapy, right?
I am just at a loss as to what to do when my son has a major violent outburst. For example, just recently he would not get out of bed to get ready for school. It doesn't matter if he goes to bed at 9pm or 10;30/11pm. My 18 y/o and myself had to physically drag him out of bed and attempt to get him dressed while at the same time he was undressing. The whole time was a complete disaster to the point of him trying to push me around and calling my mom a ***! I have tried having him use his own alarm clock, several different positives, yelling at him, he doesn't care to get out of bed. I am to the point of just taking him back to his father later that same evening so we don't have to deal with him in the morning( I get my boys once a week and every other weekend). I want to always give him a fresh start but I have been through way TOO MANY fresh starts and I am done! Now mind you, this is only 1 of the many issues I have with my son. I have been kicked, pushed, cussed at, things thrown at me, he tried to stab me with a pencil etc. Any suggestions?
  • Well taking him to his father is not a bad idea. My son takes orders from his father a whole lot better than he does me. You don't need to feel guilty or bad that you would like his father to do the main part of raising him now that he is 12. Teen boys just naturally mind their dads better. It's a guy thing. Praying you find some solutions. God bless! Charlene Lauder. If you want to email me my regular email is charlenemlauder@yahoo.com
  • One thing about kids with autism, is that they need consistency. Perhaps the changing back and forth with Dad is an issue. ABA therapy at home and med change or adjustment may need to happen.

    Do you feel there is enough routine and consistency in his program? My daughter gets really out of wack when things are not routine.
  • Okay, I don't know if I read this wrong but you said you get your boys once a week and every other weekend... so it's only one morning that he does this? He's going through puberty, and the changing back and forth between mom and dad right now is so overwhelming he's in "shut down" mode. My son went through the same thing when I would send him to his father's every other weekend when he began puberty. He grew out of it. I stopped taking him to his dads for awhile. His dad understood. We gave him the space he needed, and my little boy popped back out again.
  • Hi Is it possible for you to spend quality time with your youngest son without him staying over or how feasible is it for you to stay with your son and your ex stays at yours? Although if there's others involved would be more difficult?