My first post is about school, because I know it's where the first red flags wave, where the Aspie first struggles with social difficulties and often when life really starts to become hell.
My daughter, a high functioning Aspie, did fine in Kindergarten and even first grade. Although looking back I recall things in first grade that did set her apart from her peers and not always in a bad way. I remember her teacher asking to speak with me and telling me that she spoke with my daughter and not wanting to "dumb her down" she suggested when she speaks with her peers if she doesn't get a response from them she expected, she may want to say what ever she said using different words....she obviously could see the puzzled look on my face, she continued, ( I'll call my daughter Ann) she said Ann said something to one of her classmates expecting him to laugh, when he didn't she said, "I don't mean that literally!" and he still didn't laugh, she became annoyed not understanding the child had no idea what the word Literally even meant! Ann, always used "big words" even when she was very young (interestingly later on in her teens, she worried that she had a juvenile vocabulary and that advantage seemed to have vanished...)
I recall in Pre-K EVERY teacher made to same comment, "This year I'm going to write a book!" You're daughter is delightful and so FUNNY!! Yes, Ann would come out with side splitting remarks, I now understand that was because she had no filters and would say anything that come to mind. When you're young things that are cute and acceptable are SO NOT cute and acceptable when you're older!
We experienced what most others raising a child with Asperger's experienced, always the victim of bullies, every grade, hoping next year will be different but it never was. We changed schools FOUR times and that did help a few times; some schools really are better than others and for us at least a couple of times my daughter did better; perhaps it was because she was new and people hadn't seen her quirks yet, and maybe we just got lucky and found one of those grades that just seem to have really nice kids.... We relished in the few happy days!
Simple things can bring tears to a parent with an Aspie child, things others take for granted or don't even think about; a phone call from a friend, an invite to a party, sitting at the lunch table and not being shunned.... these things can and do bring parent's of Aspie kids to tears, because more than anything we want our children to be accepted, to have happy childhood memories to simply experience a childhood with all the fun things that all children should, but for a child with Asperger's, often it's just a wish, a desire, but not always reality.
My daughter like many other Aspie kids after so many tearful days and stomach aches in mid year of 7th grade, I decided enough was enough and home schooled Ann. It meant no more teasing and damage to her soul, but also, isolation.....
I'm doing research and working on a solution to address bullying in the autism community. You can find my profile here: community.autismsupportnetwork.com/.../dr.dale Would it be ok to ask you several questions about your daughter's experience?