Just venting my frustrations I guess.

For anyone who's seen my blogs before, you know I'm quite articulate and well written, but I don't feel this way currently.

There was a time where I was contacted by this website to write a weekly blog, which was a huge honor. I feel my writing ability and my spoken communication have improved ten fold since then, yet that I've moved backwards in my life progression.

I've been working full time for nearly 2 years now, minus a mental break down which lasted three months.

I think the worst curse of being high functioning on the Autistic Spectrum, is that you're expected by society to do the same as people without a disability. And you want to do the same, you want to cope the same, and you can, for a while.

Then the brick wall comes.

It's smacks you in the face and reminds you that you're not the same. The problem with that when it comes to work is though, you've seemed ok up to this point, and you've done well and been great to work with. So why are you being difficult now? Why are you coming in with this negative attitude? What's changed? Tell us how we can help you?

That one phrase: Tell us how we can help you.

It makes my blood boil. If I had the answer to that I'd be screaming it from the rooftops for the entire autism community to hear and benefit from.

How do you come back from that wall?

How do you overcome a working world that doesn't listen and doesn't understand.

My workplace agreed Autism Awareness training back in November and it still hasn't happened.

HR keep telling me they can tell how I feel from the way I walk, when I'm in a perfectly good mood, but won't accept my words because they can "see" otherwise.

I had a day off because I was overwhelmed with the situation at work, and upon my return I stated I didn't want to talk about it. But I was told I had to. Then I had my words used against me. I said I was angry, which is why I didn't want to talk.

Had they known me when I was 18, I'd of not had the skills to recognize I shouldn't talk, and I'd have gone in all guns blazing. But me saying I don't want to talk about it is negative behavior.

I've had such an intimate relationship with HR since August last year I can see anyone with an invisible disability has it stacked against them. And I suspect most large companies operate in a similar way.

I want to go into businesses, and use my articulation to make a change.

The only reason any good is happening where I work, is because I am articulate, and they have no option other than to listen to me due to disability law.

How many people who aren't as lucky as me in their communication, are suffering, silently, being pushed out of work. I've already been sacked for being in hospital once. I'd be a silent sufferer if I hadn't appealed.

I want our working community to have a voice. Someone who can speak for those who can't.

I just can't see it ever happening at the moment, and I can feel my job slipping away from me.