Hi everyone,

So I haven't been on this site in months - possibly well over a yr .... or 2....

BUT im back now. I joined in late 08 I think and the timing was really bad. I joined - became obsessed to the point where the site asked me to write for their newsletter and then my life took off and I left you all behind for which I am very sorry. I f***ed up TAFE after a yr because of an operation that nearly killed me - got a job in a medical laboratory despite having dropped out of tafe - got TOTALLY screwed over by my boss - lost my job - chucked an epic hissy fit said f**k this sh!t and now im living in England. Have been here for 3 weeks now. Just found out today that I finally have a house so I wont be homeless when my holiday cottage kicks me out which is nice to know.

but the thing is a good friend asked me why i left Australia and i replied 'because it has to be better else where' he said it wouldnt be and i replied 'it has to be otherwise what is there to live for?' and last night I realised it is the same.

Im still me who made all the mistakes and never had any real or decent friends - i still suck at maths - I still have aspergers - I still have all the low self worth.

To everyone I meet I am new and amazing and whole but to me its all just a lie. They dont know how broken and f***ed up I am but I do and the pathetic thing is it took leaving the hemisphere to realise that running is pointless and I could have stayed put coz being in England doesnt change me.


what is there to live for?



I am back for good now. I desperately need the support of this website atm bcz to be blunt - I can longer see the point in anything. Iv hit rock bottom and whoever said once u get there things will only get better was a bloody lier.