Hi everyone,

Sorry its been a while since i updated. Iv been a bit busy and things have been slightly hetic lol.

Me and my mum have bought some new furniture so that took a few car trips and we also got a new cat. Iv also turned 18 which is kinda strange because iv been waiting for it to happen since I was about 5 lol.

Anyway what id most like to say is thank you all so much for your comments and messages. I love getting them and reading through them.

One thing that bothers me and I never really thought about until just now is a comment that bre2008 left me.

I have attempted running away from home many times, told my mum she doesnt love me many times, rebelled many times, probabloy hurt her many times too.

Shes always told me that she loves me but for some reason small things just build up and up and up in my mind until its almost painful. Its like a brain freeze in a way. I'll do something wrong once and get in trouble for it, and this can happen hundereds of times, always with a new thing. And then when im told that im loved, i suddenly remember everytime i was told off, everytime i was shouted at, etc. And its seems to me like im a personal dissapointment. I cant do anything right and that my mum doesnt love me at all.

Iv mostly grown out of this now but every now and then I feel down and think the same things.

See I think that AS children cope rather well with critisim on a day to day scale. Like  being told please dont interupt and things like that. But then because its so hard for us to understand what excatly it is thats being asked of us, we keeping getting it wrong until someone gets very upset. Then that person being upset with us is like a snowball.

All it takes is one slip of the tongue like "why dont you understand" or "other kids can do it" (which happens its natural under stress) and we suddenly just break down. Its like in the movies when a persons life flashes before their eyes, I suddenly relive every wrong thing iv ever done to upset the person who is mad with me, and when you relive it all it seems like a lot more than it really is.

It sucks big time because AS children just dont know what has been asked of them, they think they know and they go out of their way to achieve the desired results but its a completely different understanding of whats wanted to the person who wants it.

I think this is why AS children get so upset when they are told off, because to them they didnt do anything wrong and dont deserve the punishment.

Sadly im now 18 and still havnt come up with a way to fix this comunication problem. I think that although it hurts as a parent to be told you dont love your child by your child, its something you need to really try and de-sencitize yourself from. You as a parent know you love your child and trust me your child truly knows you love them.

Just sometimes its all to much to take.

I think the thing to bare in mind is that everyone has days like this. If your honest then you have probably lay down in bed n just cried. At least once in your adult life. The only difference is that with an AS child it happens publicly because they dont hide their feelings.

This is all just my opinion but please let me know what you all think on the subject.

bye for now

~Lara~
Anonymous
  • Thank you Lara,  I am the mother of a 18 year old son with AS.  It is very helpful for me to hear what AS is like for you.  My son, Mark has difficulty expressing his feelings.  I try very hard to be patient with him and very supportive.  I realize how difficult his days can be in High School.  It is important for me and others to remember how difficult communicating is for persons with AS.  Thanks again for your touching insights!!

    Michelle

  • Thank you so much for your thoughts Lara!I am a mother with bipolar sisorder and trying to understand my child with AS is challenging.Take Care,butterfly girl

  • Lara, Thank you so much for your post.  I sometimes just do not understand what I have done or said to upset my 13 year old son.  It really does help to hear the other side.  I hate hurting his feelings,  I am actually crying right now thinking of it.  I try very hard, I think, but sometimes I simply miss the mark completely!!!!   Anyway, thank you so very much for giving me a little bit of insight into how my words and actions may be received by him...  I will remember this for a long time.  You really changed my thinking...  You are very brave to share this with others, my son wouldn't at this point.

    ~~Theresa~~

  • Thank you, Lara, for your post.  My son will be 18 and thinks it will be his magical age.  As a parent my heart breaks for him because I know he'll wake up and still have the same problems as every day before.  Your post gives me insight into what he's thinking when he does act so rudely or is having a meltdown and no amount of love I try to convey to him matters.  It actually sets him off.  So, another lesson learned!  It all makes sense now, because he is reliving every single criticism at that time.  Keep posting and I'll keep reading.  Don't forget, you're never given more than you can handle and I truly believe you're of a higher spirit put here to teach lessons to us more lowly spirits!  I know we're slow learners, but keep teaching us!!

  • I am 53 with AS. Learned I had it relatively recently and am still trying to understand and cope. Your posting, Lara, helps me fill in another part of the puzzle. People without AS do no understand us and most never will but we can share with ourselves so we can understand AS better.