Lilly is 12 1/2. She has expressed a few times that she is bisexual/gay, to her sister and brother. she wears dresses sometimes, but most often begs for her brothers hand me downs, refers to wanting "boy" haircuts, and clothes. Im nervous to even discuss this, is it real, or maybe a fixation on the ease of boyhood vs. Girlhood, or a friend in school thats expressed this. Not the same restraints, or maybe she just likes dressing and having her hair like that, and is making the assumption that that is what it is. Now ive researched and found that the percentage of gay people in the asd community is higher then td youth? Now im so confused. Has anyone been through this? I feel like if i accept it, she will run with it even  if its not truth because she seeks conflict, and attention. Mostly I fear, and worry and now i have guilt if im stopping her from being herself. 
Anonymous
Parents
  • chiming in as an autistic and bi adult - it is common for us, boys and girls, to feel disconnected from socialized gender roles and to be lgbt or asexual. we tend to like styles that are comfortable, no matter what we identify as gender-wise, which may include tomboy dressing prefferences. more time and progressing through puberty will help clarify her sexual prefferences whatever they may be. no one can stop her from being herself on the inside, but shame can stifle her and make her feel like she needs to hide her true self.  even nonautistic people waver on this decision for themselves and can take a long time to feel comfortable in their skin. it's great that you're here asking about it, and I hope you're not against taking advice from a non parent.

Comment
  • chiming in as an autistic and bi adult - it is common for us, boys and girls, to feel disconnected from socialized gender roles and to be lgbt or asexual. we tend to like styles that are comfortable, no matter what we identify as gender-wise, which may include tomboy dressing prefferences. more time and progressing through puberty will help clarify her sexual prefferences whatever they may be. no one can stop her from being herself on the inside, but shame can stifle her and make her feel like she needs to hide her true self.  even nonautistic people waver on this decision for themselves and can take a long time to feel comfortable in their skin. it's great that you're here asking about it, and I hope you're not against taking advice from a non parent.

Children
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