The first few days were extremely difficult after our diagnosis I took to writing, actually more like frantic scribbling. But it helped all my racing thoughts and fears scrawled onto an a4 jotter. One day I’ll maybe share those first few days but even reading over them makes me think, how dramatic ? It’s not the end of the world! But honestly those first few days I thought it was. I’m still very sad for my son, I’m sad and fearful for the obstacles in life he will have to face. For the way he will be treated by others, for the resentment that I hope his older brother will never have, for what happens when I’m not able to look after him.  I can’t send him to clubs for his age because of the difficulties Autism brings him, I’m sure we will face so many of these difficulties over the years.  I am sure every parent asks themselves how do they fix it, as parents we want to fix things for our children but this is something I cannot fix but must learn to live with understand and accept.

My child has made me want to become a better person, I know we all want to be better people! But really and truly I now look at life in a different way, look at people in a different way and more so I look at myself in a different way. I can honestly say I have a very strange feeling that something wonderful is going to happen, maybe not right now but it will mark my words.

Learning about Autism is extremely draining, draining my wine rack! The reading the consent battles the therapy the explaining his needs it’s tiring a fairy godmother would be a wonderful reality right now. That’s the thing reality, reality has now changed for us now, we don’t quite know what it is everything is changing and everything is new. I’m not too sure I like change, I’ve never been one to embrace change especially when I’m not in control of it.  Can you control Autism? Or does it control you? 

I am sure in a years time i will look back at these blogs in a totally different manor, i will see things in a totally different way including Autism and its journey. Hopefully it wont be so scary.