My husband -undiagnosed

I joined this group to communicate with others in my position and hopefully a better understanding of how to have a relationship survive.

My husband has NEVER been diagnosed after a lot of research I am convinced that he has Aspergers. I honestly believe the emotions he has or the reactions he has are learned behaviors and not at all natural. I am a very independent person it’s not the attention or lack of I should say, it’s how he deals with things. Things that you would think should matter do not and little things that have very little importance he will hone in on. It causes a lot of problems. At first I thought he had a compulsive disorder and he might. The vast difference between us seems to keep widening. I could never voice this to friends or family they would never understand or see it. He’s great with kids and seems more comfortable around them and they find him funny -I think it’s all repetitive and seems so immature however I appreciate how it makes children feel. He’s great at his job of course he’s been there 30 years he doesn’t like change. He’s very guarded many times I feel like we live 2 lives together. I’ve never been allowed to be on his checking account I have a custodial bank card (the same card his children have) and he decides how much I have access to. I find that bizarre. Everything has to be done a certain way. The strange thing is the way he does most things is sloppy or half -ass and gets extremely defensive if you say so.  His ex wife left and left everything behind without question and without the children and without a fight and like I’ve read on previous post I know why she did. Sometimes I wonder what to do how to make this work without piling on resentment on this one sided relationship.

  • To melisa in reply to this and your other post about where to find help. This is not the place to find help No offence intended to anyone but there is nowhere on line that will be in a position to help you as nt. We are the ones that have to change .Now that could be totally soul destroying . But if you can remember what it was that you first liked about him and wonder if you should just relax a bit it may help. Now I don't want to upset you or wind you up . 18 months ago my asperger husband had a total mind blowing obsession with a woman he had had an affair with 46 years ago. Now I say it was an affair because he lived with his first wife and 18 month old child so really it was all sneaky sneaky .He thought he loved her and she loved him but he misread her signals .I understand what was going on in his mind and feel sorry for him because he really was like a child again . The only thing that I can suggest to you for help is that you approach The National Autistic Association on a one to basis .With the best will in the world all you will get on line is the aspie view.