Asperger dad is not the best husband or father

I am really worried for my sons. My husband is very smart and can be loving. I think he suspects he has a mild case of Asperger's because he went to therapy for a while. However, the therapist only focused on my husband's issues and concerns. Of course, raising his sons and being a better husband was not a priority topic. Due to a change in work schedule, he has stopped seeing a therapist and things at home have become hard. My youngest son (3) acts out because he desperately wants his father’s attention but my husband ignores or more like doesn't understand the non-verbal cues. I am not sure how I can describe our life at home without writing a book but the short version of the problem is that my husband lacks the ability to love and be understanding to my needs and well as the children’s needs.  He cannot do anything without me being presently there. Normal husbands can take their kids to the park or just hang out. My husband does not have the mindset to do any of this unless I give specific instructions or plan everything out perfectly and even then, the outing is cut short and they are right back home within 15 minutes. I suspected something different about my husband prior to marriage but I thought we could help one another. I think of myself as an emotionally intelligent person and my husband is the smartest man I know. Together, we make up the areas we both fall short in, however, he is not very good at helping me in my problem areas. Instead, he criticized constantly. Since I was raised by an avid supporting family, my self-esteem cannot be dismantled. For this reason, I have been able to set aside most of my emotional injuries and focus on ways I can help my husband, so we can raise our sons. My kids adore him. Mostly because I never speak negatively of him in front of the kids. I try to be as supportive by reading books and not setting high expectations for him. I try to keep our live simple and consistent but this not going to work with two kids under 3. I need my husbands help and I cannot continue to nourish on the idea that his capacity to be a great father is limited. How can I help my husband be a better father?

I am really worried for my sons. My husband is very smart and can be loving. I think he suspects he has a mild case of Asperger's because he went to therapy for a while. However, the therapist only focused on my husband's issues and concerns. Of course, raising his sons and being a better husband was not a priority topic. Due to a change in work schedule, he has stopped seeing a therapist and things at home have become hard. My youngest son (3) acts out because he desperately wants his father’s attention but my husband ignores or more like doesn't understand the non-verbal cues. I am not sure how I can describe our life at home without writing a book but the short version of the problem is that my husband lacks the ability to love and be understanding to my needs and well as the children’s needs.  He cannot do anything without me being presently there. Normal husbands can take their kids to the park or just hang out. My husband does not have the mindset to do any of this unless I give specific instructions or plan everything out perfectly and even then, the outing is cut short and they are right back home within 15 minutes. I suspected something different about my husband prior to marriage but I thought we could help one another. I think of myself as an emotionally intelligent person and my husband is the smartest man I know. Together, we make up the areas we both fall short in, however, he is not very good at helping me in my problem areas. Instead, he criticized constantly. Since I was raised by an avid supporting family, my self-esteem cannot be dismantled. For this reason, I have been able to set aside most of my emotional injuries and focus on ways I can help my husband, so we can raise our sons. My kids adore him. Mostly because I never speak negatively of him in front of the kids. I try to be as supportive by reading books and not setting high expectations for him. I try to keep our live simple and consistent but this not going to work with two kids under 3. I need my husbands help and I cannot continue to nourish on the idea that his capacity to be a great father is limited. How can I help my husband be a better father?

  • My advice would be to delegate the responsibilities you have as parents so he knows exactly what is expected of him. For example, who is going to give the kids a bath and who will read them bedtime stories, who will cook on what days and who will take them to the Dr, etc. Talk about the things that need done and over time he'll become more familiar with what being a dad is all about. Also encourage him to have fun with the kids, teach him how to talk to them about their day, show him how to show interest in them.