Undiagnosed

Hi.  I'm new to this site and looking for support .  I have been married to an undiagnosed aspie for almost 5 years.  It has been a rollercoaster and we were spared for almost 2 of those years.  Before we separated I was at the edge of the cliff and started researching because I knew all the arguing and dysfunction was not normal or healthy.  I also knew that marriage is not that HARD.  Sure there are ups and downs.  I was married for 22 years to a man who was emotionally abusive I believe because he never dealt with his childhood trauma.  At any rate we did have three kids (all of which have mental health issues and Crohn's disease) and stayed married for 22 years.  Now I thought that was a hard marriage I married my new husband.   Don't get me wrong we can have fun together and he definately high functioning.  The main problem is he argues about everything and tries to control me.  I have to stand my ground and not allow myself to get lost because he wants me to accommodate him.  What I mean by accommodate is this.  He struggles with all three of my adult kids.  He can't deal with what he says their challenging behavior.   I even say I can have them over for supper and he can go out or just stay downstairs and  keep to himself.  He wants to convince me how challenging they are and that we should wait until another time to have them over.  He would wait for ever.  He has absolutely no relationship with his own two adult sons.  He has no idea why they walked away from him.  He says he was an great dad.  I'm open to hear thoughts on what I have said here.  Thanks for your time.

  • Is it possible that he has ODD ? Meaning oppositional defiance disorder. As well as aspergers. My husband has aspergers but my father had odd. My father argued about everything and it was always my mother's fault . She walked on eggshells. He had a problem with people in authority.I guess one of those people was her. Her nerves were shot and she used to agree to keep the peace. My life with my asperger husband is not like this. We have what I would describe as the normal lack of empathy and his continual banging on about his own interests.But he does not argue even when he should.I don't know if this is helpful but it may be an explanation.
  • I joined for similar reasons. When you share a home and a life with an aspie other couples or marriages have their problems of course, marriage isn’t easy- but it will make you feel like those problems are so different. It’s hard to explain but their problems seem normal?
  • I joined for similar reasons. When you share a home and a life with an aspie other couples or marriages have their problems of course, marriage isn’t easy- but it will make you feel like those problems are so different. It’s hard to explain but their problems seem normal?
  • I joined for similar reasons. When you share a home and a life with an aspie other couples or marriages have their problems of course, marriage isn’t easy- but it will make you feel like those problems are so different. It’s hard to explain but their problems seem normal?