Husband has Aspergers, my marriage is falling apart

My husband has aspergers. He told me he had it before we were married but assured me it had never had any impact on his relationships. He told me it wouldn't cause us any problems. Foolishly I believed him then because I had nothing else to go off of except his word. While dating he seemed like a nice guy that I could open up to. He listened to me and acted like he cared. After we were married everything changed. We've been married for several years now and have a young son together. Almost every day he does something to hurt me. He says the meanest things you can imagine and then acts like nothing has happened. If I get upset he tells me to stop and says its all my fault anyway. I could make a huge list of all the things he does to me but the one that hurts the most is how he talks about my previous marriage and uses it against me. He has even gone as far as saying that I deserved all the abuse I suffered through in my past. Before I married him I was in a really bad relationship with someone that was unstable and abusive. My ex hit me and said many hurtful things that deeply affected me. I told all of this to my now husband when we were dating. He now uses this against me all the time. He brings up my ex and says things like "well your ex said you were a *** so it must be true". Everything I told him about my past is now ammo for him to use against me when we fight. I feel like I'm reliving my past all over again and the person who should be on my side is now siding with my ex who isn't even if my life anymore. I just don't know what to do about it. I don't know if he thinks he's right, if he's doing this to purely hurt me or if he has no idea how what is saying is tearing me apart. How do I make him see that what he is doing is wrong? Every hurtful thing he says to me is justified in his eyes. I want to fix my marriage but I don't know if its possible. If he really thinks he isn't doing anything wrong then there is no hope. I can't keep living like this and I don't want my child around it.  

  • It sounds like your husband is abusive. People can be abusive without having an ASD. People can have an ASD and not be abusive. My son and I both have ASDs and neither of us is abusive. I know many kind, sweet people with ASDs. Don't blame the Aspergers for your husband's abuse. Blame your husband.
  • I suggest two things. ONE, you two need to learn to communicate. I suggest looking up a Retroville or Marriage Encounter weekend in your area. He's communicating wrong, you're communicating wrong.

    Two, Please go to Amazon and get a book called _Primal Loss_ by Leila Miller. BOTH of you need to read it. Divorce is not the end of abuse, divorce is a form of abuse.
  • I suggest two things. ONE, you two need to learn to communicate. I suggest looking up a Retroville or Marriage Encounter weekend in your area. He's communicating wrong, you're communicating wrong.

    Two, Please go to Amazon and get a book called _Primal Loss_ by Leila Miller. BOTH of you need to read it. Divorce is not the end of abuse, divorce is a form of abuse.