I am new to this group and so happy to have found it.
With my husband we've been married since 2000 and only 15 years in our marriage did I find out he had Asperger. Two years ago when that happened, I revisited all of our history and, like a puzzle, all pieces started to fall into place. All the past pain, hurt, anger and frustration, all of it made sense. We have a daughter, 12 years old who is very attached to him and he is now retired and spends most of his time working on his math problem. He has a PhD in math and is obsessed with history.
In all of this, I feel that our lives are just 2 parallels that don't meet. And while I have a rather successful professional life, I am so miserable, so sad and so so lonely. Of late I've started having some health issues related to normal aging and when I project myself in the future with him, I panic and just cry and cry. I have the impression that I am just cut off from this fountain of life that had given me strength and beauty i n the past. Yesterday afternoon I found out he fell back to his addiction of smoking and we had a "bad" exchange which has stirred all this resentment and deep loneliness. I just want to leave, I don't want him in my life but feel so, so stuck. I am writing as I have read some of the letters in this circle and feel that there are other people out there with whom to share. Now the issue for me is that I don't even want to make the effort as I am no longer sure I am committed or interested in having this relationship. I feel hurt, sad, very trapped and most of all confused.
Thank you all for your support and for hearing me out.
In reply to Theodore M. Seeber:
Its sadden me to see you suffering but don't give up.
My 14 years old grandson is having a rough time.So much detailing his problems. He don't understand how to use coping skills. Right now he has to live away from me locked up instead of long-term treatment. He has dual diagnoses. ADHD. Bipolar PTSD. AUTISM SPECTRUM. EXPLOSIVE MOOD DISORDER. I AM BROKEN INSIDE AS A GRAND MOM FOR MY GRANDSON. SENDING PRAYERS❤