Autism Support Network
Asperger Circle - Discuss…
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5 Jun 2009 4:59 PM
i know alot about it and wanting to know more. and i would like to answer any questions you guys have. and i will think of questions i have for you.
15 Nov 2018 5:12 PM
Hi Angel, I was hoping to gain some more insight here about how to handle a situation when my Aspie partner gets angry because of an argument or conflict we’d have. I know each one is different but it would be nice to know what’s the best thing I can do when he’s already gone in his shut down mode. He’s told me it takes him days or week to feel any love for me again, after we’ve had a fight. I’m so used to him that I forget sometimes that he has Aspergers and there are times I’d argue back and only to realise a little too late that I shouldn’t have tried to argue or put my point across when he was obviously starting to get defensive. I forget because other than the times we’d fight, he is so loving. I tried suggesting once that he has Aspergers, but he got angry and refused to consider it. I’m sure he does because of the traits he’d exhibit and finally doing an extensive research and reading about it. I would be ever so grateful if someone could help me understand what’s the best thing I can do for him after such a fight/argument, so that he gets out of the mode where he is so distant and detached from me and doesn’t want to even touch me. He told me he wouldn’t feel any love for me in those times and is only still with me because logically he should love me because I keep him happy 99% of the time. But when he’s angry with me, he talks about continuing his search to find someone who’ll keep him a 100% happy. This scares me because I feel if we have another fight, he’ll walk out of the relationship. At the same time if I ask him if he’s unhappy with me I’l leave (even though I don’t want to) he wants me to stay. So it confuses me because he sticks around after the fight, threatens to leave me, and if I say if that’s what he wants I’ll leave, he doesn’t actually want it. It scares me coz I don’t understand if he genuinely wants to be with me. Or if he’s thinking about leaving me and doesn’t love me anymore or if he’s just saying it to scare me into believing that. I know I’ll keep him happy because I’ve already decided to change my expectations and have adapted to suit his needs. Should I keep showing him love and try to talk to him when he’s distant or should I give him his space and leave him alone? What will work best to get him back to his normal self in a situation like that? I’m sorry for this long message and questions all over the place. I haven’t really told anyone about my situation and him being an Aspie. But it makes me feel so alone and I could really use some help in figuring out what’s going on and what would be the best way for me to approach this.