Crises Situation - how to manage?

Dear All,

My son, Dan, is a 30 year old autistic man.  He is brilliant, as are many (most) of you, but doesn't deal well with unexpected calamities.  On his birthday, a tornado ripped through our town (EF3) and tore down his new home (moved in 5 days earlier).  Fortunately, he was able to make it to the basement with his cat before the tornado struck.  Now, he is having to deal with the insurance issues and finding an honest contractor and managing his expectations.  My concerns for him are these:  1) I am older and currently listed on the kidney transplant list, 2) his father is not in the picture at all, 3) as his Mom and, really, only friend, I take on handling the aspects of his life that he would let go and not take care of, 4) he shows his stress by overeating, and I am seeing him drinking more alcohol, too.

I want him to become completely self-sufficient so that when I am gone he will not flounder too badly and will be able to survive.  I want him to have a full and complete life.  How can I help him do that?

Because of the tornado, he is living with me.  His insurance won't cover all of the damage to rebuild the home, so I have started a gofundme for him to try to cover what they won't. (https://www.gofundme.com/manage/dan039s-house-rebuild) but am not sure if this will help him or not.

Thanks for listening.

Dan's Mom

Parents
  • Sounds you have done a lot for him. It sounds like he is more self sufficient than most if he owns his home. Does he have a full time job & can he get a loan?

  • Yes, he works for me as my paralegal.  I am hoping that if something happens to me, he can work in that field for someone else.  He got the loan for the house, but I had to co-sign.  He is kind and friendly but is very shy and has a difficult time making friends, which I think is somewhat typical.

Reply
  • Yes, he works for me as my paralegal.  I am hoping that if something happens to me, he can work in that field for someone else.  He got the loan for the house, but I had to co-sign.  He is kind and friendly but is very shy and has a difficult time making friends, which I think is somewhat typical.

Children
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