Late diagnosed Aspie Daughter

I would really like to hear from adult Aspie daughters, in particular, their take on navigating through life from their perspective. Express feelings on how to deal with their struggles, their triumps, what works for them and their mothers can nest be support to them.

To Moms: what info/resources have you found helpful in supporting and how to best understand your daughter's feelings and navigate in life with their challenges and how best to encourage their confidence, independence, and self-esteem as a woman.  As well as support for me too.

  • All female aspie humans have been someone's daughter once. I'm not sure how to answer except to point you to alll the autobiographies of asd women. Could you narrow the question down?
    Not all of us have overcome all those hurdles but neither have neurotypical women.
    I think you need reassurance about something but i'm not sure what it is.
    BTW I was diagnosed at 57.

    Nora
  • All female aspie humans have been someone's daughter once. I'm not sure how to answer except to point you to alll the autobiographies of asd women. Could you narrow the question down?
    Not all of us have overcome all those hurdles but neither have neurotypical women.
    I think you need reassurance about something but i'm not sure what it is.
    BTW I was diagnosed at 57.

    Nora
  • Hi Sheri, my daughter was diagnosed at 18 (she's now 20) and I too am feeling the need for some kind of support or connection with others in similar circumstances. I find most of the support groups in my area are focused on younger children who have been diagnosed early. I live in a country town in Australia.

    I've met families with adult offspring on the spectrum, but they were diagnosed early and they seem less obsessively focused on it than I am. I guess over the years I will feel more 'integrated' about it. I'm still struggling with when to (lovingly) push and encourage my girl's development, and when to accept and be at peace with the fact that some things won't change, or may present more of a challenge as time goes by.

    My daughter was socially isolated as a girl, preferring to play alone, or rejected by others when she reached out. She was bullied in the most ugly ways in high school.

    'Specialists' did not agree with me when I suggested that she may be on the spectrum when she was little - I think they were looking for the classic signs of male ASD. I still have feelings of anger over what might have been, had my daughter been properly diagnosed and early supports provided.

    She was treated for depression, anxiety, self-harm, suicidal thoughts etc all through teen years.

    The diagnosis was a relief as we now understand the root cause of the above. My daughter is strong-minded, insightful and smart, and much more self-accepting since the diagnosis, as she now knows it's not her 'fault' that she has social difficulties.

    Unlike me, she doesn't enjoy reading about other women on the spectrum, especially the very positive 'empowerment' type of stuff. She has a fairly dark outlook on life, a black sense of humour (still very funny though!), and is a bit of a cynic about human nature. She says the bullying she endured (and the inability of the school to deal with it) gave her a healthy disrespect for people. She says, given her difficulty in reading people and understanding what their motives may be, and how her vulnerability can be attractive to predators, it's better to be overly suspicious than naive. Sadly, I sometimes think she may be right.

    I'm sorry I don't have much to offer in terms of advice, just wanted to share that you are not alone in your experience. I sometimes feel that my own pain around this is very 'niche' - late diagnosis, high functioning, female adult offspring - but of course everybody's pain is unique. I feel that connecting with others in the same 'niche' area of concern is comforting though.
  • Hi Sheri, my daughter was diagnosed at 18 (she's now 20) and I too am feeling the need for some kind of support or connection with others in similar circumstances. I find most of the support groups in my area are focused on younger children who have been diagnosed early. I live in a country town in Australia.

    I've met families with adult offspring on the spectrum, but they were diagnosed early and they seem less obsessively focused on it than I am. I guess over the years I will feel more 'integrated' about it. I'm still struggling with when to (lovingly) push and encourage my girl's development, and when to accept and be at peace with the fact that some things won't change, or may present more of a challenge as time goes by.

    My daughter was socially isolated as a girl, preferring to play alone, or rejected by others when she reached out. She was bullied in the most ugly ways in high school.

    'Specialists' did not agree with me when I suggested that she may be on the spectrum when she was little - I think they were looking for the classic signs of male ASD. I still have feelings of anger over what might have been, had my daughter been properly diagnosed and early supports provided.

    She was treated for depression, anxiety, self-harm, suicidal thoughts etc all through teen years.

    The diagnosis was a relief as we now understand the root cause of the above. My daughter is strong-minded, insightful and smart, and much more self-accepting since the diagnosis, as she now knows it's not her 'fault' that she has social difficulties.

    Unlike me, she doesn't enjoy reading about other women on the spectrum, especially the very positive 'empowerment' type of stuff. She has a fairly dark outlook on life, a black sense of humour (still very funny though!), and is a bit of a cynic about human nature. She says the bullying she endured (and the inability of the school to deal with it) gave her a healthy disrespect for people. She says, given her difficulty in reading people and understanding what their motives may be, and how her vulnerability can be attractive to predators, it's better to be overly suspicious than naive. Sadly, I sometimes think she may be right.

    I'm sorry I don't have much to offer in terms of advice, just wanted to share that you are not alone in your experience. I sometimes feel that my own pain around this is very 'niche' - late diagnosis, high functioning, female adult offspring - but of course everybody's pain is unique. I feel that connecting with others in the same 'niche' area of concern is comforting though.
  • Hi Sheri, my daughter was diagnosed at 18 (she's now 20) and I too am feeling the need for some kind of support or connection with others in similar circumstances. I find most of the support groups in my area are focused on younger children who have been diagnosed early. I live in a country town in Australia.

    I've met families with adult offspring on the spectrum, but they were diagnosed early and they seem less obsessively focused on it than I am. I guess over the years I will feel more 'integrated' about it. I'm still struggling with when to (lovingly) push and encourage my girl's development, and when to accept and be at peace with the fact that some things won't change, or may present more of a challenge as time goes by.

    My daughter was socially isolated as a girl, preferring to play alone, or rejected by others when she reached out. She was bullied in the most ugly ways in high school.

    'Specialists' did not agree with me when I suggested that she may be on the spectrum when she was little - I think they were looking for the classic signs of male ASD. I still have feelings of anger over what might have been, had my daughter been properly diagnosed and early supports provided.

    She was treated for depression, anxiety, self-harm, suicidal thoughts etc all through teen years.

    The diagnosis was a relief as we now understand the root cause of the above. My daughter is strong-minded, insightful and smart, and much more self-accepting since the diagnosis, as she now knows it's not her 'fault' that she has social difficulties.

    Unlike me, she doesn't enjoy reading about other women on the spectrum, especially the very positive 'empowerment' type of stuff. She has a fairly dark outlook on life, a black sense of humour (still very funny though!), and is a bit of a cynic about human nature. She says the bullying she endured (and the inability of the school to deal with it) gave her a healthy disrespect for people. She says, given her difficulty in reading people and understanding what their motives may be, and how her vulnerability can be attractive to predators, it's better to be overly suspicious than naive. Sadly, I sometimes think she may be right.

    I'm sorry I don't have much to offer in terms of advice, just wanted to share that you are not alone in your experience. I sometimes feel that my own pain around this is very 'niche' - late diagnosis, high functioning, female adult offspring - but of course everybody's pain is unique. I feel that connecting with others in the same 'niche' area of concern is comforting though.
  • Hi Sheri, my daughter was diagnosed at 18 (she's now 20) and I too am feeling the need for some kind of support or connection with others in similar circumstances. I find most of the support groups in my area are focused on younger children who have been diagnosed early. I live in a country town in Australia.

    I've met families with adult offspring on the spectrum, but they were diagnosed early and they seem less obsessively focused on it than I am. I guess over the years I will feel more 'integrated' about it. I'm still struggling with when to (lovingly) push and encourage my girl's development, and when to accept and be at peace with the fact that some things won't change, or may present more of a challenge as time goes by.

    My daughter was socially isolated as a girl, preferring to play alone, or rejected by others when she reached out. She was bullied in the most ugly ways in high school.

    'Specialists' did not agree with me when I suggested that she may be on the spectrum when she was little - I think they were looking for the classic signs of male ASD. I still have feelings of anger over what might have been, had my daughter been properly diagnosed and early supports provided.

    She was treated for depression, anxiety, self-harm, suicidal thoughts etc all through teen years.

    The diagnosis was a relief as we now understand the root cause of the above. My daughter is strong-minded, insightful and smart, and much more self-accepting since the diagnosis, as she now knows it's not her 'fault' that she has social difficulties.

    Unlike me, she doesn't enjoy reading about other women on the spectrum, especially the very positive 'empowerment' type of stuff. She has a fairly dark outlook on life, a black sense of humour (still very funny though!), and is a bit of a cynic about human nature. She says the bullying she endured (and the inability of the school to deal with it) gave her a healthy disrespect for people. She says, given her difficulty in reading people and understanding what their motives may be, and how her vulnerability can be attractive to predators, it's better to be overly suspicious than naive. Sadly, I sometimes think she may be right.

    I'm sorry I don't have much to offer in terms of advice, just wanted to share that you are not alone in your experience. I sometimes feel that my own pain around this is very 'niche' - late diagnosis, high functioning, female adult offspring - but of course everybody's pain is unique. I feel that connecting with others in the same 'niche' area of concern is comforting though.
  • Apologies for the repeated postings. The site seems to have an error that makes you think you haven't posted when you have! I will try to delete the extras :)

     

     

    ... no luck!

  • Hi Jo,

    I understand the need to connect.  My 28-year-old son has Asperger's and my friends and family simply do not "get" the issues/challenges. He's a graduate student pursuing a second Master's Degree, intensely bright, but of course with the usual social challenges/awkwardness. Recently he's decided "it's time to take a wife" and is trying to figure out how to do so..  Speaking to my therapist doesn't help... why should it? she doesn't have a child with Asperger's.   Renee

    If you would like to connect by the way, you can contact me at my email address:  Renees52@aol.com

  • Sheri,

    I have an adult son with Asperger's and would welcome connecting for support/encouragement/ideas.   The best way to reach me is at my email address:   Renees52@aol.com

    Renee

  • I'm a female with Asperger's Syndrome and I consider myself non-binary. Could you be specific on your question? I ask this because sometimes what I consider a struggle or triumph may not be the same as someone else's. I have Asperger's and sometimes what others consider a struggle, I don't consider it as such. I defy most of the labels that people with Asperger's have and I live my life by having a goal, making a plan and following it through (tennis taught me this). I was/am physically active and I have played three different sports growing up which has helped me with a lot throughout life.

    I keep my goals private until they are achieved and I do well when I have my own space and have different places to go. I don't want to embarass or offend anyone but my mother is the main person that triggers my tantrums and I know this, but she doesn't, so I don't interact well with her. I went to college and I lived on my own. I did extremely well because I could make my own decisions and be my own person.

    My family and I learned that I have Asperger's in my late twenties and without the early diagnosis I had auditory issues that prevented me from interacting with my peers, mainly because I didn't know that someone was calling for my attention. I am logically driven and I don't know what most people mean about feelings. 

    I want to thank you for creating this thread. Women don't get as much support as they should have compared to the men who are on the  ASD spectrum.

    Brivae

  • Hi Brivae, I'm not the questioner but wanted to thank you for sharing your experience with us. I used to suffer terrible grief that my daughter was not diagnosed until late in life, just to think of all the support she missed out on at school because of it - but she tells me now that she has no regrets, that her life made her who she is today, and that she's fine with that. I find that comforting and am so proud of her. I'm glad to hear that you have effective strategies for achieving the life you want. I wish you well! :)