Blacking out and having frozen feelings...

hey Albert White here.

so at work this morning, i was doing current events  to watch the news.and all of a sudden i blanked out, started running and hitting myself, everybody at my unit was watching me go off until my boss Leshawn told me to calm down and sit at the cafeteria, at first calming down i didnt want to do it but i intervened and agreed.

the reason i've been having those flare ups was because i see an image in my mind of something very negative and harmful. i lose myself and triggers my anger and my autism. and i have those frozen feelings i have never been able to come out since my family members have died whiten years ranging to 2012-2017.

people think it's just pure bravery, i think it's cowardly. because i have been so used to getting hit at and yelled that it enjoys me in a sick way. and i've moved out in that lifestyle ever since but i'm really trying to maintain the good space in my life and not destroy what I've gotten. i hope a therapy will help me be better. 

 

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN THAT TIME WERE YOU'VE BEEN HURT OR ABUSED THAT MAKE YOU HAVE ANGER ISSUSE AND CAUSE BLACKOUTS AND NEGATIVE IMAGES THAT MAKES YOU FEEL AWFUL AND FROZEN FEELINGS THAT MAKE FEEL LOST THAT IT DOE SENT MAKE YOU CRY SOMETIME? 

FEEL FREE TO COMMENT.

  • What you are talking about is PTSD
    You don't need autism to feel and act that way but autism makes it harder because it is hard to talk about the feelings.

    You need a therapist with experience with autism and PTSD from childhood adverse experience. This is something that CAN get better if you can find the right therapist. If you have trouble affording one then talk to whoever supports you and they may have some ideas.

    I was abused in childhood and it took a while to find the right therapist but I am better though not wholly cured of my anger and fear. It helped me to know that I was frightening people because in this society we are discouraged from getting help so I thought I should try and MAKE myself better. That didn't work. The world of humans can be truly weird. Have patience and compassion for yourself.

    Nora
  • In reply to newnoz:

    Well luckily the people at my job has set a therapy session for me next week. it's very nice that we share the same problems in our lives. and have the same flaws. if this world was a better place, we would thrive by.
  • In reply to Alwhite:

    Please check in with us and update with how you're doing Alwhite. Our good thoughts and prayers are with you! Kris ( :
  • In reply to Alwhite:

    Please check in with us and update with how you're doing Alwhite. Our good thoughts and prayers are with you! Kris ( :
  • In reply to Kmdd22:

    UPDATE:
    about a week ago, Wednesday to be exact. i went to therapy for the first time. it was over at the Frick center at Chicago.
    me and Sean(who's my mentor and caregiver) went to see dr. green{who's my therapist) over via Skype.

    i explained my ongoing troubles facing at work and personal issues prior to me going to envisions unlimited(the company that i'm at). dating back years ago. and he said that i'll be taking mild pills to help stimulate my social skills so that i could thrive. as of this writing, i haven't gotten the pills yet but i'm taking my time everyday. i don't have to rush and rush in order to get the results. after the therapy session was over, i turned my phone on and my aunt was trying to reach me. i called her and she's doing very well. she told me that she was sober and living in Iowa. last time i checked on her, she was at St. Louis. plus she told me she got a car now and would like to see me and Sean to visit and he agreed as they talked for a moment. i was very happy she was truing her life around. meanwhile i gotta grow up somehow. two weeks from now i'll be 22 years old. i gotta put myself first for anything else so that i can make it in the real world. And apply on other things to learn. cause what's my future's gonna be like when i'm 30? i don't know. but while i'm in this earth, i gotta do in my part.
  • In reply to Alwhite:

    Update:

    i've now gotten the medication and it's helping me right now! i've not been jumping or being frigidity like i was.
    and guess what. i've been working at the front desk, fedex packing and key filing in just 4 days. with a side of watering plants. and i'm on it. everything is running very smoothly. the medication has been taking a big part on my development. i like this. very much.
  • In reply to Alwhite:

    Great to hear Alwhite! Thanks for the update on how you're doing. Well I'm VERY happy to hear you're feeling more positive and receiving the support you needed. It's important to be able to recognize the importance of being able to do that and believe me I know it's not easy but it's necessary for our wellbeing. Cheers !
  • In reply to Alwhite:

    Great to hear Alwhite! Thanks for the update on how you're doing. Well I'm VERY happy to hear you're feeling more positive and receiving the support you needed. It's important to be able to recognize the importance of being able to do that and believe me I know it's not easy but it's necessary for our wellbeing. Cheers !
  • In reply to Kmdd22:

    HELLO TO YOU ALL. I JUST WANT TO WISH EVERYBODY HAPPY AUTISM AWARENESS DAY!!!!