We have an almost 30-year-old son with high functioning autism, Crohn's Disease, gout, and asthma. We moved out of the house in the big city to retire to a smaller town that we have always wanted to live in, and our son is staying in the city house. Our son was working full time for a while and doing well, but then started having gut pain which after testing the doctors have decided was caused by a serotonin deficiency for which he was prescribed medication and he is now off of it. He is now having difficulties paying bills and is not telling us everything about his financial situation. We believe he is hiding from us the degree to which he is staying at home when we are not around. He is also spending money on video games, and online entertainment. He claims to be in in pain but is just fine on weekends when we are around.
When we try to talk to him about it, he gets upset and melts down. We are in the process of making life uncomfortable for him so that he has to grow up and assume responsibility. We've given him a one year deadline to pay off his credit card, have restricted his access to our financial supports, and are contemplating other measures. The biggest problem is that his medications for Crohn's Disease are expensive and it takes several months for him to hit the limit on his out of pocket maximums for the year, and reimbursements from the pharmaceutical company's financial aid program do not cover all of the expense.
We're almost at the point of cutting ties completely and booting him out of the house, but that is a drastic move. We're both devastated by how it seems that he can get going just fine for six months to a year, then fall apart for that long if not longer. He has been going to college off and on and has a year's worth of work left to go. The same phenomenon happens at college as we are seeing at work.
Given that we are going into an era where it is likely that there will be fewer government supports for people like him, what on earth are we going to do? Boot him out into the world and just hope that one way or another he figures it out? We've tried a lot but he's been resistant. A friend has recommended Mark Hutten's program, but I get nervous when I do an internet search and "scam" is one of the first things that comes up--plus the things I hear from Hutten that are available for free mirror what we are already doing.
ARRGH. Do we push him into applying for disability, or is he just malingering? How much of this is real and how much of this is just wanting to be taken care of?